Life update

I have a diagnostic driving lesson booked for Saturday after next.

I have been approved for temporary health insurance which I can renew month to month for up to twelve months. It should go into effect sometime tomorrow. Yay.

I found a queen sized mattress and box spring, 2 years old, sealy posturepedic, for $20, and he'll deliver it on the 30th! Score! You can see it here.

I'm starting the on site aerobics class here today. And I've mostly been taking care of my body. Yay!

Now I just need to, by early October:
-tie up loose ends of the housemate search which will hopefully be over soon
-make a party invitation list and send out a party invitation
-update my finances
-find furniture in addition to the bed for my room and for the common area in the house
By the end of October:
-finish repairing my hair
-make a driver's license test appointment
-design and make wings
-find a job/contact local skating rinks

On the down side, I've been weird emotionally, and I STILL have hives. But they're not quite as bad.

And I think my breasts are either swollen, or growing again. WTF? I'm nearly 22! My breasts should NOT be growing!

(no subject)

Back from aerobics and lunch.

As I stood there absolutely dying from exertion, perhaps I should have been thinking, "wow, I'm so out of shape!"

I wasn't. Instead, I was thinking, "Wow. I can't believe I spent most of my life doing this sort of shit."

And I'm glad I went, and plan to start going every Monday and Wednesday, and maybe Fridays too. But what a drag!

In other news, I REALLY wish this weren't so expensive. It is everything I need, and to my tastes. Yeah, I know. I have expensive tastes. This foot and headboard, two night stands, and dresser are going for $750. But so pretty!
http://photos.yahoo.com/bc/hookem9/lst?.dir=/Furniture&.src=ph&.order=&.view=t&.done=http%3a//photos.yahoo.com/

I COULD. But its a really Bad Idea. So I won't

early life apathy

I had this epiphany today which applies to almost everyone I know.

We have spent our lives sprinting to the next finish line. Just finish this class. Just figure this out. Just finish this year. Just make it until classes start again; the job isn't that bad. Just make it through college; it'll be over soon.

But for those of us who DON'T have goal oriented careers, and who DON'T want to have children and get married... we graduate, and get into a steady job, and suddenly... there is no goal.

Oh sure, there's day to day work. There's the goal or ideal of doing a good job, or of having fun. But it isn't the same as something that can be finished.

For people who have spent 15 out of their 21 years living in a goal-oriented, task to task fashion, no wonder a lot of people are confused or depressed or apathetic right out of college!
"What's the point?" We finally have the time to think about "things," and suddenly, we realize that its just another party, just another person, just another assignment at work. And we wonder what is the point. And become depressed and apathetic.

Half the people I know whine to me about how they want to do something meaningful with their life. 60% of them (yes, I'm pulling that out of my ass) have latched onto some notion of meaning and are hanging onto it for dear life. And most of them have never really thought about it, about how they will feel doing that thing for the rest of their lives. Many of them have decided that they "have" to do something "meaningful" as their full time job. As though Mathematics or Physics is inherently meaningful... unless it is to you. But who is to say that it isn't meaningful to have some day time job to pay the bills, and do the meaningful things in your spare time?

I bring "meaning"---whatever that means---to my life in two ways.
(1) By my interaction with other people, being a shoulder to cry on and a wall to bounce thoughts off of, and too often, a dispenser of unsolicited advice which (hopefully) is valuable to them.
(2) By my religion, which often orders me to go back to (1).

Writing this post made me realize something. There isn't "meaning" in life, because "meaning" requires faith. To put meaning in your life, you have to have faith in something. I'm not sure about this; please do challenge me. But it seems to me that the materialist who believes only in physics and science can have no meaning unless he makes a leap of faith.
I gained meaning in my life first, by romanticizing science. Then, I gained faith through my first love, Daniel, my ex-husband. He encouraged me to hop off the fence and be religious. And I always thought that it was he that led me to explore religion, and after I left him, find paganism (tracing all the way back). But I now realize that isn't so, or at least, that it is far from the whole of it.

Leaving Daniel required me to set aside my pride where it wasn't practical nor needed. Before Daniel, I was agnostic, and refused to settle on a religion because I was too proud to let myself 'be duped' and 'blindly follow faith.'
Once I let go of my pride, I was able to find a faith that complimented my chosen lifestyle, and gave my life meaning.

Praise be. Remind me to say a prayer of thanks to the God and Goddess tonight. They deserve it.

Clarifications

I believe that as long as you believe in your gut that life should have meaning (and most people are indoctrinated in their guts to feel that way), there will be a gap in your life that makes you sad or feel unfulfilled.

There are two ways to deal with this.
(1) Have faith in something. People. Humans. A deity. A generic spirituality. Something which implies that there is more than is obvious to the eyes.
(2) Realize that this whole "meaning" thing is a crock of shit. Realize it deep down inside; throw off the conditioning. Become content to enjoy your life from day to day and get by.

I'm a big fan of both, I think.

Some people have said to me since I posted the previous entry that there are faithless people who desire and find meaning in life. This is the dubious part of my argument, in fact. I think that those people are not actually materialists. They are attributing some extra 'value' to something beyond its physical value in order to fill the void which a lack of meaning would leave.

So in case you were wondering, I'm defining meaning in these discussions as something that fills the void that people are referring to when they search for meaning in their life. Kinda circular, but I think most people will know what I mean.

Watch this space for more clarifications. :)