early life apathy
Sep. 18th, 2002 09:14 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
danaerisI had this epiphany today which applies to almost everyone I know.
We have spent our lives sprinting to the next finish line. Just finish this class. Just figure this out. Just finish this year. Just make it until classes start again; the job isn't that bad. Just make it through college; it'll be over soon.
But for those of us who DON'T have goal oriented careers, and who DON'T want to have children and get married... we graduate, and get into a steady job, and suddenly... there is no goal.
Oh sure, there's day to day work. There's the goal or ideal of doing a good job, or of having fun. But it isn't the same as something that can be finished.
For people who have spent 15 out of their 21 years living in a goal-oriented, task to task fashion, no wonder a lot of people are confused or depressed or apathetic right out of college!
"What's the point?" We finally have the time to think about "things," and suddenly, we realize that its just another party, just another person, just another assignment at work. And we wonder what is the point. And become depressed and apathetic.
Half the people I know whine to me about how they want to do something meaningful with their life. 60% of them (yes, I'm pulling that out of my ass) have latched onto some notion of meaning and are hanging onto it for dear life. And most of them have never really thought about it, about how they will feel doing that thing for the rest of their lives. Many of them have decided that they "have" to do something "meaningful" as their full time job. As though Mathematics or Physics is inherently meaningful... unless it is to you. But who is to say that it isn't meaningful to have some day time job to pay the bills, and do the meaningful things in your spare time?
I bring "meaning"---whatever that means---to my life in two ways.
(1) By my interaction with other people, being a shoulder to cry on and a wall to bounce thoughts off of, and too often, a dispenser of unsolicited advice which (hopefully) is valuable to them.
(2) By my religion, which often orders me to go back to (1).
Writing this post made me realize something. There isn't "meaning" in life, because "meaning" requires faith. To put meaning in your life, you have to have faith in something. I'm not sure about this; please do challenge me. But it seems to me that the materialist who believes only in physics and science can have no meaning unless he makes a leap of faith.
I gained meaning in my life first, by romanticizing science. Then, I gained faith through my first love, Daniel, my ex-husband. He encouraged me to hop off the fence and be religious. And I always thought that it was he that led me to explore religion, and after I left him, find paganism (tracing all the way back). But I now realize that isn't so, or at least, that it is far from the whole of it.
Leaving Daniel required me to set aside my pride where it wasn't practical nor needed. Before Daniel, I was agnostic, and refused to settle on a religion because I was too proud to let myself 'be duped' and 'blindly follow faith.'
Once I let go of my pride, I was able to find a faith that complimented my chosen lifestyle, and gave my life meaning.
Praise be. Remind me to say a prayer of thanks to the God and Goddess tonight. They deserve it.
We have spent our lives sprinting to the next finish line. Just finish this class. Just figure this out. Just finish this year. Just make it until classes start again; the job isn't that bad. Just make it through college; it'll be over soon.
But for those of us who DON'T have goal oriented careers, and who DON'T want to have children and get married... we graduate, and get into a steady job, and suddenly... there is no goal.
Oh sure, there's day to day work. There's the goal or ideal of doing a good job, or of having fun. But it isn't the same as something that can be finished.
For people who have spent 15 out of their 21 years living in a goal-oriented, task to task fashion, no wonder a lot of people are confused or depressed or apathetic right out of college!
"What's the point?" We finally have the time to think about "things," and suddenly, we realize that its just another party, just another person, just another assignment at work. And we wonder what is the point. And become depressed and apathetic.
Half the people I know whine to me about how they want to do something meaningful with their life. 60% of them (yes, I'm pulling that out of my ass) have latched onto some notion of meaning and are hanging onto it for dear life. And most of them have never really thought about it, about how they will feel doing that thing for the rest of their lives. Many of them have decided that they "have" to do something "meaningful" as their full time job. As though Mathematics or Physics is inherently meaningful... unless it is to you. But who is to say that it isn't meaningful to have some day time job to pay the bills, and do the meaningful things in your spare time?
I bring "meaning"---whatever that means---to my life in two ways.
(1) By my interaction with other people, being a shoulder to cry on and a wall to bounce thoughts off of, and too often, a dispenser of unsolicited advice which (hopefully) is valuable to them.
(2) By my religion, which often orders me to go back to (1).
Writing this post made me realize something. There isn't "meaning" in life, because "meaning" requires faith. To put meaning in your life, you have to have faith in something. I'm not sure about this; please do challenge me. But it seems to me that the materialist who believes only in physics and science can have no meaning unless he makes a leap of faith.
I gained meaning in my life first, by romanticizing science. Then, I gained faith through my first love, Daniel, my ex-husband. He encouraged me to hop off the fence and be religious. And I always thought that it was he that led me to explore religion, and after I left him, find paganism (tracing all the way back). But I now realize that isn't so, or at least, that it is far from the whole of it.
Leaving Daniel required me to set aside my pride where it wasn't practical nor needed. Before Daniel, I was agnostic, and refused to settle on a religion because I was too proud to let myself 'be duped' and 'blindly follow faith.'
Once I let go of my pride, I was able to find a faith that complimented my chosen lifestyle, and gave my life meaning.
Praise be. Remind me to say a prayer of thanks to the God and Goddess tonight. They deserve it.
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no subject
Date: 2002-09-18 09:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-09-18 09:54 pm (UTC)"faith n. 1. belief without proof; confidence; reliance. 2, belief in god. 3, loyalty; fidelity to an agreement or promise. 4, a religious creed."
i believe, without much in the way of proof, in the capacity my fellow human beings fro ultimate grace and goodness. i believe, without physical evidence, in love, mercy, truth, compassion, and all that wacky hippie stuff.
i have confidence in and rely upon my intuition, my potential for growth, and in other people.
i strive, i seek, i grasp, i gather, i go.
i am a person of faith.
no subject
Date: 2002-09-18 10:05 pm (UTC)no subject
find what I am; do/be.
subsets:
- healing,
- acting as bridge/emissary,
- acting as chaos butterfly.
- Love.
This is what I have so far.
no subject
Date: 2002-09-30 12:30 pm (UTC)Actually, I have a lot to say, so I'll put the more personal stuff in my own livejournal.
Does meaning come from faith? I depends on how broadly you define faith. Certainly, you've seen people who find meaning in math and physics. They find meaning in their lives if they make a useful contribution to the field. Does that count as faith? There is a general category of people who find meaning in making some significant contribution to society, whether it be through science or art or leaving behind a family or stories or leaving their mark behind them. Does this count as faith? Meaning can come from that, but whether or not you count that as faith is debatable.