A Danae of All Trades

I just priced going to the Canadian Science Writer's Association's annual conference in St. John's Newfoundland, which is scheduled for the same weekend as Toronto Pride.

Plane + rented dorm room + conference registration = nearly $800

Pros:
-I'd get to network -- maybe if I went I would meet people who could hire me for day job or freelance work, and if nothing else, I might get a better idea of the shape of the Canadian industry
-I'd get to see Newfoundland for the first time
-Some of the events look pretty cool, like the tour of the four dimensional virtual reality facility
-I could write it off on my taxes to some extent

Cons:
-I'd miss Toronto Pride
-It would cost me $800, a hefty price tag no matter how well I'm doing for myself
-I'm a social creature, and exploring St. John's on my own might not be nearly so much fun
-Most of the events and tours are focusing on geology and marine stuff, which I'm not at all interested in covering

Conference admission goes up by $75 on May 24, so I have that long to decide. Ugh.

Yesterday and today seem to be a font of low-level poly drama.

First, someone pointed me towards a post a sweetie's primary made in the poly community, in which she expressed dismay that discussing a shared SO is taboo and that the secondary doesn't have to deal with the woe or pressure of a depressed SO.

I didn't think it was necessarily about me, but I emailed her anyway to check in. Here's part of what I wrote:

Having said that, I wanted you to know that, in my mind, one of the joys and strengths of polyamory is the support we can ALL provide each other. I DO spend time talking with my partners' sweeties, both about what we love and hate about them, as well as the tough times they are going through. What's more, I consider my partners' sweeties to be a part of my family. One of the reasons I did not ask out [our shared SO] until I did was that I had not had the opportunity to get to know YOU at all. [snip] when we had dinner at the Indian restaurant in late summer, I had the opportunity to see you for the stellar person that you are. I don't date people unless I like and respect their primary and preferably, secondaries as well.

She's responded. Everything is cool, and she seemed to like my response... either to find it comforting or flattering or positive, anyhow. Yay!

In the less-resolved category, I had this weird interaction with another SO and her SO, and that needs to be sorted out. I got snarky when something made me uncomfortable, and have apologized, but I need to smooth things over and make sure that everyone is being heard. I'm sure it will work out fine though. The people involved are all good communicators overall, and they are all genuine, caring friends.

---

Last night I stayed in after all my thoughts about events. I tried to get laundry done but someone from upstairs had left their laundry in the dryer. I did manage to run the comforter through the wash and dryer, which is good since it has had caked detergent since before I moved because of a sadly failed attempt to clean it.

Before I went home I stopped at Fortinos and picked up some house stuff. So much to buy! It keeps on adding up...

I can't seem to run the microwave without tripping the breaker. I might try moving it to a different outlet, and in the meantime, I have the stove and toaster.

I watched Boys Don't Cry last night while I messed around on the laptop. The annoying country accents aside, it was an interesting and good movie. And, sadly, fairly representative of the worst case scenario of what happens when a trans person tries to pass in small-town america (and possibly small town canada). Hell, even in big town America... just look at what happened to Gwen Araujo only a few years ago! It makes me angry, but what makes me angrier is that even my parents look at this and try to identify with the killer.

Someone sent this article to the Bi TO list today:
http://www.theaustralian.news.com.au/printpage/0,5942,16625063,00.html

Her reaction, though commendably not outlined in detail, and the reactions I expect will ensue from others, have left me thinking about the sadly controversial status science has in the realm of sexual politics.

As an ex-scientist, I am fascinated by attempts to understand how I work. In many ways, I do not understand how a person can NOT be curious about the nature of their own sexuality and identity, and how those might have come into being. Perhaps this is the reaction most geeks have; they want more knowledge, more understanding, and they see science as a medium for acquiring that.

However, a large segment of the bisexual community -- and other similar communities -- have a very different reaction to the idea of their orientation being studied by scientists. They are skeptical and dubious at best, outright hostile at worst.

It makes sense in a way. We spend so much time fighting for the privilege to be who we believe ourselves to be, that anyone who may gainsay our identities is viewed as an enemy. Meanwhile, scientists are rarely given an opportunity to present things as they see them. They speak through writers like myself, and unfortunately, most of those writers fail at straddling the divide between the realm of sexual politics and scientific reality. Sometimes that's because they aren't qualified, or because they are trying too hard to write punchy copy and not hard enough to be accurate. Other times it is simply because it's really that hard, and even the best authors will get tripped up sometimes.

Our understanding of the human body and especially of the human mind and endocrinal systems is very primitive. Medicine is easily a hundred years behind physics, in terms of being a mature science. For that reason, a lot of the results studies give are misunderstood, misinterpreted, etc. They don't have the same accuracy as physics experiments, and so they can't be used to make certain statements. Yet, the media feels a need to make certain statements when reporting on science, and this creates a very frustrating relationship between the reader and science. Science becomes viewed as less and less trustworthy, yet it isn't the science which is inaccurate so often... it is its portrayal.

I expect that in the next ten years we will learn amazing things about how the brain develops and leads to all sorts of things -- including our sexuality and gender identities. It's coming, whether we queer folk like it or not, because it is an essential part of us which must be studied to make a complete map of ourselves. So buckle in and enjoy the ride.

So, the Bi TO list has been having some amusing conversations about bisexual men not existing, including some suggestions about having their own, um, clinical trials. These involved people of all sexes, porn, and measuring tape. ;)

But what really upset a lot of people is that www.365gay.com picked up the story here, with added comments about how gay people have always suspected this to be the case.

Understandably, this has created quite a furor. Several letters have been written by very eloquent folk to 365gay.com, the Toronto Star, and the NY Times, about this.

So, I thought I'd pass on the outrage. This is why more of us need to get involved in the bi community and work to increase bi visibility. We should all be on the same team, after all.

Check it out here:
http://www.canada.com/national/story.html?id=41a2cfbb-5124-4527-8627-3af8aa1919de

Worth taking a look at.

I missed Hamilton Pride this past weekend, and I'm struggling with the desire to go to Toronto Pride this coming weekend.

I guess this is one of those cases where living with my parents makes it hard to be me.

You see, my father talks loudly and often about what a disgusting and obscene display Pride is. And, living with him, seeing him every day, makes it hard for me to do something he openly disapproves of. It's irrational, I know... there are lots of other things I do and have done of which he would disapprove, but the thing is, he hasn't voiced that disapproval outright — except in this case.

There are other reasons. I'm dangerously close to being petered out. I don't know that I was ready for this housing search, as exciting as it has been. And I really can't handle being as active as I used to be. I get tired, emotionally and physically, from all the activities and socializing and stress.

A large part of me WANTS to go to Pride. Another part of me keeps on making excuses, and while they may be valid, they're still excuses. That may be why I SHOULD go. But, I'm not sure.

The truth is that I've never marched in Pride. I've done one dyke march and zero prides as a participant. And I think I'm scared. Scared of the cameras, the people, the everything. Being seen. I don't know. I think my emotions around this are too complicated to explain easily.

And, of course, the all-important excuse: "Whatever would I wear?!"