Throughout most of history, most of the population was exposed to sex at a very young age. We saw barnyard animals doing it. We lived in one room homes and slept next to our parents, and I don't believe for a second that they stopped having sex because their kids were there. It was considered natural by the lower classes, part of the way things were.
We were considered adult at 14, or even 13, and married, and had children. We made adult decisions.
A lot has changed since then.
-We live a lot longer.
-We don't marry simply to reproduce, and our life spans are too long and we have too much leisure time for a haphazard match to function as a marriage. Thus, the decision to have a relationship, to have sex, and to partner permanently (or with the intention of permanence), is a much more complex decision.
-We are treated as children for much longer, which in turn leads to a lesser maturity -- a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy.
-To be fully functioning adults, we need more education, which takes longer; this has compounded the previously mentioned problem of being treated as children longer and longer.
With kinky teens, the problems with the age of consent get much worse. Being slutty, or being kinky, can be dangerous physically and mentally if not done properly. But certainly in the US, and I would guess to some extent in Canada, instructing a teen on how to flog someone safely, or run a safe orgy, for example, is ASKING for a lawsuit or legal problems.
A large part of me scoffs at the idea that there is an inherent power imbalance with age. But, I must remind myself that I am not typical, and also that that imbalance becomes insignificant by the time you're a certain age.
At the same time, I confess that I view that imbalance as being as much a question of experience and maturity as it is a matter of age.
Of course, with a high age of consent, they can't get that crucial experience legally, and they can't seek advice on how to do it safely without the threat of legal repercussions. What about a graduated age of consent? In that case, we're faced with them doing this potentially dangerous thing, but only with equally inexperienced people, which sounds like a recipe for disaster to me.
The fact of the matter is that kids will have sex, and if they're kinky, they'll have kinky sex, whether we outlaw it or not. So, what can we do to help them to make the best, safest choices?
-a low age of consent. Fourteen is the HIGHEST I would go (but is, imo, about right)... there are kids much younger having sex with no idea what they are doing.
-Comprehensive sex education starting early (I'd say around 6th grade, although maybe even 5th grade).
-Legal kink classes students must seek out on their own where underage people can learn how to do the things they'll do anyway SAFELY. Although, the internet and books may adequately fulfill this purpose, so it may be that instead, a suggested reading list in the in-school sex ed class might make more sense.
A lot of right-wing people feel that the government should not be instructing kids in something as personal and religiously-fraught as sex ed. But, with the presence of STDs and all we now know about child development, this is no longer an issue of religious or moral attitudes and beliefs. It has become a very serious public health issue. An uneducated child is a potential disease vector. That can't be allowed, or at least, should be minimized with across-the-board education.
This post was prompted by a discussion in
canpolitik about a recent bill to raise the age of consent in Canada from 14 to 16, which was defeated yesterday iirc.