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I keep on bursting back into tears.
It started with this:
Read with caution; details a very recent gay/trans hate crime on par with Matthew Shepard or Gwen Araujo
As I read it, I teared up a little. I was also a little nauseous, a new experience for me when reading something like that. My mother came into the kitchen and asked me what was wrong. I showed her a picture of Amancio, and explained what had been done to him.
"She was an idiot, of course." My mother asked why. I explained that unfortunately, in this day and age, flirting in drag with straight men in a straight bar is a dangerous activity.
She didn't say much. I said, "She was only 23." My mother said, "She didn't look that young."
Then she said to me, "What I don't think you're getting is that these men felt tricked and deceived." I looked at her in disbelief. "That doesn't justify what they did," I said, and my mother responded, "No, nothing justifies murder."
I shook my head. "This wasn't just murder Mom." I described what they did to Amancio. "It was the worst kind of hate crime."
The conversation went on. She seemed to be saying that these men's homophobia somehow justified the crime, or lessened their culpability.
I suggested the following example: If I were married, and went to a bar and flirted with a man, and then he found out I was married, took me to the river, raped me, slit my throat and cut off my wedding ring finger, it would be comparable.
And my mother said that it wasn't, because men are weird about their sexuality.
I was pretty upset and agitated at this point. I explained to my mother, not particularly calmly, that this is what the gay movement is about, aside from the goal of acquiring equal rights. That society as it stands promotes homophobia, will result in reactions like this at the end of the spectrum -- and that's not an acceptable status quo. Queer people shouldn't have to live in fear of their lives. So, the so-called gay agenda is simple: equality, tolerance, and acceptance. To reach a point in society where this sort of behaviour isn't considered acceptable legally OR culturally. To send the message that it isn't okay loud and clear.
I explained that the ideal is a society in which the murder of Amancio, Gwen, or Matthew, would be considered equally atrocious to the scenario I described above.
She grudgingly admitted that in such a society, that would be the case, but said that she questioned whether such a point could ever be reached. The implication was that she believed that homophobia and insecurity about sexuality is an inherently male characteristic (a preposterous attitude that betrays ignorance of other cultures in the present as well as throughout history).
I retreated to my room at that point, and sobbed and cried on![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
merovingian's virtual shoulder. I've finally stopped crying now, although I still feel nauseous.
My immediate reaction to my mother's responses was to feel that I could not live with this woman. To feel a need to be with My People, people who understood all of this, people who are also queer. I may be overreacting, or caught up in the moment of sorrow and mourning for this person I never knew. I really don't know. But I am THIS CLOSE to ditching all of my hopes of saving extra money up, and moving to Toronto, to get out of this house.
Gentle sanity checks are welcome.
It started with this:
Read with caution; details a very recent gay/trans hate crime on par with Matthew Shepard or Gwen Araujo
As I read it, I teared up a little. I was also a little nauseous, a new experience for me when reading something like that. My mother came into the kitchen and asked me what was wrong. I showed her a picture of Amancio, and explained what had been done to him.
"She was an idiot, of course." My mother asked why. I explained that unfortunately, in this day and age, flirting in drag with straight men in a straight bar is a dangerous activity.
She didn't say much. I said, "She was only 23." My mother said, "She didn't look that young."
Then she said to me, "What I don't think you're getting is that these men felt tricked and deceived." I looked at her in disbelief. "That doesn't justify what they did," I said, and my mother responded, "No, nothing justifies murder."
I shook my head. "This wasn't just murder Mom." I described what they did to Amancio. "It was the worst kind of hate crime."
The conversation went on. She seemed to be saying that these men's homophobia somehow justified the crime, or lessened their culpability.
I suggested the following example: If I were married, and went to a bar and flirted with a man, and then he found out I was married, took me to the river, raped me, slit my throat and cut off my wedding ring finger, it would be comparable.
And my mother said that it wasn't, because men are weird about their sexuality.
I was pretty upset and agitated at this point. I explained to my mother, not particularly calmly, that this is what the gay movement is about, aside from the goal of acquiring equal rights. That society as it stands promotes homophobia, will result in reactions like this at the end of the spectrum -- and that's not an acceptable status quo. Queer people shouldn't have to live in fear of their lives. So, the so-called gay agenda is simple: equality, tolerance, and acceptance. To reach a point in society where this sort of behaviour isn't considered acceptable legally OR culturally. To send the message that it isn't okay loud and clear.
I explained that the ideal is a society in which the murder of Amancio, Gwen, or Matthew, would be considered equally atrocious to the scenario I described above.
She grudgingly admitted that in such a society, that would be the case, but said that she questioned whether such a point could ever be reached. The implication was that she believed that homophobia and insecurity about sexuality is an inherently male characteristic (a preposterous attitude that betrays ignorance of other cultures in the present as well as throughout history).
I retreated to my room at that point, and sobbed and cried on
merovingian's virtual shoulder. I've finally stopped crying now, although I still feel nauseous.My immediate reaction to my mother's responses was to feel that I could not live with this woman. To feel a need to be with My People, people who understood all of this, people who are also queer. I may be overreacting, or caught up in the moment of sorrow and mourning for this person I never knew. I really don't know. But I am THIS CLOSE to ditching all of my hopes of saving extra money up, and moving to Toronto, to get out of this house.
Gentle sanity checks are welcome.
