How does it depend? I mean, if you know someone really well, is it therefore ok to be casual and do it over email? or is it that if you know someone really well, it would be kinda weird to do it over email?
For me, at least: If I've already communicated with them in fashion A a lot, it might be okay to ask them out in that way. If I've talked to them a lot in person but not on e-mail, but I got their address from somewhere, I'd feel a bit weird about mailing them (unless I know they're a big email user). E-mail doesn't have to be casual; you could make a big deal out of the phrasing, like pretend it's a graduation announcement: "Bob Thingammie Thud would like to have the honour of dinner with you, Bethany Britches, on Thursday next, at Dweezil's Grill, at nine o'clock." Instant messenger would seem kind of casual for me, but I don't use it much. Also it would depend on whether this is a "casual, let's get to know each other better" date, or a "I've got this huge crush on you and want to woo you" kind of date. (Or a "I want to get to know you better before we go to Joe's Grill and Sex Party and I get your panties off" date. :)
Now I'm confused, as I don't think LiveJournal comments fit neatly into any of the categories questioner listed as a possible way to ask someone on a date. It's not quite a chat forum... Not e-mail... not a love letter... definitely not a phone, nor in person...
One of my favorite games, usually when thinking about Internet law, is "To what pre-internet technology is this analogous?"
A chat program is pretty similar to a phone call, or a conference call if it's a multiple-client chat. A web page is similar to a newspaper article, or ad. Email is similar to mail. Open IRC channels is kind of like a group social gathering.
....and I have no idea what LiveJournal comments would be like. A corkboard in a public but slightly hard-to-find place, maybe?
A fanzine or APA. Replies to the original post are LOCs (Letters of Comment). The terminology even matches: "Read Comments," "Post a comment."
If you're unfamiliar with fanzines, consider the letters page of a known magazine/newspaper/etc. columnist, instead. ("In reply to Sandy from Smalltown, Ohio, who wrote '...' I think that the President should stick it up his...")
I too prefer to at least date geek-enabled people. I gave my email adddress to someone I'd been flirting with at a club once, thinking that'd be a good next step. The email I received was - obviously not the email of either a geek or an English major, let's say, and it put me right off that person as a potential date. So they don't have to be hard-core geeks (just because I'm currently dating two... um...), but they've got to at least write me e-mail.
How much "asking out" do you feel is left in this world? To me modern common mating ritual seems to involve friends getting together in a low pressure situation (ie. "hanging out") and then that slipping further into a more defined role. When I think of "asking someone out" I think 1950's Johny trying to call Peggy to ask her to the sock hop, nervously hanging up the phone several times before asking.
If someone "asked me out" I would feel pressured and may act oddly.
PS I'll take Ted out on a date any time b/c he is hot hot hot. :)
The only clear distinction is at some point making it clear (nice boots wanna fuck) you are looking for more than just friendship.
I think the more you know someone, the more likely it should not be done over email. In particular, if this is someone you have a particular interaction with that you are changing by asking out on a date, it should really be in person.
Other than that, use whatever medium the other person is comfortable with. It's an individual preference, though I think in person is usually safest. At the very least you can *see* their reaction in person.
Also, I'm going to have to agree with Chrisla: I see people hanging out and slipping into roles more than I see people asking others out on a date. I've never had an actual relationship develop by asking someone out on a date. Oddly enough, I have the same 50s image when I hear "asking out on a date."
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2002-10-22 02:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-10-22 02:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-10-22 02:49 pm (UTC)If I've already communicated with them in fashion A a lot, it might be okay to ask them out in that way. If I've talked to them a lot in person but not on e-mail, but I got their address from somewhere, I'd feel a bit weird about mailing them (unless I know they're a big email user).
E-mail doesn't have to be casual; you could make a big deal out of the phrasing, like pretend it's a graduation announcement: "Bob Thingammie Thud would like to have the honour of dinner with you, Bethany Britches, on Thursday next, at Dweezil's Grill, at nine o'clock."
Instant messenger would seem kind of casual for me, but I don't use it much. Also it would depend on whether this is a "casual, let's get to know each other better" date, or a "I've got this huge crush on you and want to woo you" kind of date. (Or a "I want to get to know you better before we go to Joe's Grill and Sex Party and I get your panties off" date. :)
no subject
Date: 2002-10-22 02:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-10-22 02:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-10-22 02:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-10-22 03:02 pm (UTC)I must ponder this before I deliver my answer...
</hard to get>
no subject
Date: 2002-10-22 03:10 pm (UTC)A chat program is pretty similar to a phone call, or a conference call if it's a multiple-client chat.
A web page is similar to a newspaper article, or ad.
Email is similar to mail.
Open IRC channels is kind of like a group social gathering.
....and I have no idea what LiveJournal comments would be like. A corkboard in a public but slightly hard-to-find place, maybe?
no subject
Date: 2002-10-24 04:42 pm (UTC)If you're unfamiliar with fanzines, consider the letters page of a known magazine/newspaper/etc. columnist, instead. ("In reply to Sandy from Smalltown, Ohio, who wrote '...' I think that the President should stick it up his...")
-= Lunatic
A vaguely relevant comment:
Date: 2002-10-22 03:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-10-22 06:10 pm (UTC)Please define "Geek".
I know.. I know... if I have to ask, I don't need to know.
Koga!
"Because the names "Questioner" and "Unseelie" and "Chainsawenema" where already taken..."
define
Date: 2002-10-23 07:45 am (UTC)If someone "asked me out" I would feel pressured and may act oddly.
PS I'll take Ted out on a date any time b/c he is hot hot hot. :)
The only clear distinction is at some point making it clear (nice boots wanna fuck) you are looking for more than just friendship.
Re: define
Date: 2002-10-23 09:27 am (UTC)Alternately, maybe another Cary Grant movie when I get back from New Orleans?
no subject
Date: 2002-10-23 04:29 pm (UTC)Other than that, use whatever medium the other person is comfortable with. It's an individual preference, though I think in person is usually safest. At the very least you can *see* their reaction in person.
Also, I'm going to have to agree with Chrisla: I see people hanging out and slipping into roles more than I see people asking others out on a date. I've never had an actual relationship develop by asking someone out on a date. Oddly enough, I have the same 50s image when I hear "asking out on a date."