Irrational fears, or, finding a partner

[danaeris]

I have a friend who often bemoans her lack of partner/primary/whatever at her age. I have been known to tell her those fears were unreasonable, and yet at the young age of 24, I confess that I am beginning to have those fears. Every time I meet someone who seems right for me, they seem to already be involved with someone.

Now, I know that this fear is perfectly irrational. But it exists anyway. So I thought I would attempt to allay it with some unscientific polling (after all, no need to be accurate or scientific when dealing with the irrational bit of my brain). So I present the partner poll! I separated by gender to see if there is a noticeable difference, given societal norms.

[Poll #484660]

Edit
And for those of you who aren't, here's a follow up poll at the suggestion of stollman
http://www.livejournal.com/poll/?id=484688&mode=enter

Comments

[stollman.livejournal.com]

If I recall correctly, you can't change polls once they are posted... but you should probably have included a "If you DON'T have a committed life partner that you have been with for five years or more, how old are you?" question (or pair of questions). I think you are only collecting part of the data, and in fact I think it's the part most likely to look depressing once it is collected. :-)

[icedrake.livejournal.com]

M/25. Not 5 years yet.

[karenbynight.livejournal.com]

I responded to the poll, because, after all, it's data.

But I'm less than comfortable with the apparent reasons you're collecting the data, largely because the question shows some assumptions I completely don't agree with. The answer to I'm feeling anxious because I don't have a committed life partner yet is decidedly not, IMHO, you're still young!. Instead, the answer is to do whatever you can to promote the idea that not having a committed life partner can also be happy and fulfilling; that there is no specific time or season for love; and that one's value as a human being isn't dependent on other people's appreciation of that value.

[plymouth.livejournal.com]

there is no specific time or season for love

That is so true. Take my aunt for example - married in her 20s, divorced in her 40s, re-married in her 60s and very very happy.

[danaeris.livejournal.com]

Point taken, and much appreciation for the diplomatic phrasing of your response.

I agree that happiness should be possible without a partner of any sort, let alone a life partner.

Still, I'm a social person who sets goals for herself. At this point in my life, one of the goals I have is to eventually, someday, have one or more partners and children. Thinking that goal is never going to be realized is depressing. That doesn't mean that I am clinically depressed because of it, and cannot achieve happiness without it. It means it bums me out, when I dwell on it or am reminded of it.

"Doctor, it hurts when I do this!" "Then don't do it."

[eetmewithtoast.livejournal.com]

Yes, I was pretty damn young when I first kissed and dated this really great guy.

But there was no indication that he'd be one of my Great Loves, a lover I'd happily live with for years and years. We had to see each other a few more times . . . and have years of correspondence (mostly by letter) before it felt semi-serious.

So we were 19 when we first hooked up, and 26 when I was able to fly his ass over here and convince him not to go home for a long while.

On the matter of kids . . . you know them thar scientists you write about have been slowing the "biological clock" for some time now. My mother had me when she was 40, and my sister-in-law had her first kids (fraternal twins) at 40 via a lot of scientific abracadabra, and then a third kid completely naturally at 42.

So, if I were you, I wouldn't even begin to seriously fret about the "no dad for my kids" thing for at least another decade.