How am I really?

[danaeris]

None of you asked, but please indulge my fantasy that you care. :)

I'm actually doing great, but here's more detail:

I like my job so far. It has its boring parts, but it is about as low stress as possible, and leaves me lots of time to do a better job than the previous writers while simultaneously getting freelance work done. I also like the work I'm doing, and the environment I'm in. The regular schedule is good for me.

I like commuting with pyat. Except when I'm being a twat about being right, we get along fabulously, and I find him very entertaining (and maybe he finds me entertaining, I hope).

I'm excited about the freelancing I'm doing, and it looks like some of it will actually go through, bring me money, and be the kind of thing I can do without fucking up. Yay! Let me restate that. Freelancing stories on topics I like makes me feel really good. It makes me tremendously deliriously happy. It makes me feel good about myself, stimulated and engaged. It also scares the shit out of me, but so far I've been able to work through the fear and get the work done. Hopefully that will continue to be the case; I just need to reach the point where this is all normal for me.

I'm rolling in cash by my standards, and I don't know how to spend it. This is a novel situation for me and I'm sure I'll adjust very quickly, so please don't think I'm complaining. I just want to save as much money as possible while I'm not needing to spend so much.

By that token, it is ironic that while before I had all the time in the world to travel, I did not have the money. Now that I have the money, I'm very limited in the time I have available to travel, at least until September. This is a definite bummer, but I will try to work within those constraints, and if I take really good care of myself, I may be able to avoid getting sick and take some of my 6 sick days as vacation days. But I want to visit my peeps in SF and Boston.

Obviously, eventually I'll move out and/or get a car, but I'm not in a huge rush to do that, and in the meantime, I'm paying very little rent and getting home cooked meals every day for dinner. My parents are being very tolerable, although I really do think I've reached the point where I want to come out to them about being bi and possibly about the concept of poly. I'm just too scared to take that last step. But I've talked to my father about the way he goes on, and it helped a little. He knows I'm not mad at him when he's talking too much, just that he's talking too much.

I like the folks I've met in Hamilton, even though there aren't many of them. There's definitely no clear candidates for booty yet, given I'm hanging out mostly with two monogamous couples. But I will hopefully continue to expand my social circles.

I've been more emotionally stable lately than in ages. I think having some success in my career has really helped. I think I was having serious issues reconciling my view of myself and my competence with the world around me because of my lack of success. I lost hope, and despaired. I'm not there anymore.
I still have long-lasting, low level panic/anxiety attacks occasionally, sometimes prompted by something trivial, sometimes completely random as far as I can tell. I still get apathetic or depressed.

Overall, though, I'm happy. If things stay as they are, I won't remain pleased with the situation, but I haven't even begun to explore all the possibilities, so it's way too soon to be even remotely worried.

In summary of bad things: It would be nice to not live with my parents, have my own place, have more friends, have booty and/or romance, and have vacation days.
That list is Not Bad. Seriously.

Comments

[pyat.livejournal.com]

Except when I'm being a twat about being right, we get along fabulously, and I find him very entertaining (and maybe he finds me entertaining, I hope).

Surely!

And you've never been... er... twatty. My keen senses did detect a certain antipathy towards the glorious nonsense that is Social Evolution, but you didn't deal with it badly. :)

[videomaker.livejournal.com]

I glad to find out things are going so well. I sent you an email a few weeks ago asking how things were working out. It sounds like this has been a really good move for you both professionally and personally. Seems like it will be a good jumping board to the next steps you want to take.

BTW, I understand the travel issue vs. time and money. When you do get a chance to swing by SF, I know a lot of us will be happy to see you.

[epicureanangel.livejournal.com]

I can relate to the time/money issue, and the friends thing. The first will probably always be, the latter should change in time. I may not comment much, but I do care, and it's good to see that being back in Canada has yielded positive results for you. :)

[sassy-fae.livejournal.com]

That's an excellent state of things! All goals are very achievable, and many past goals have come to fruition. It's the best place to be!

As for the money, I'd say save save save! I did that when I started working and still lived at home, and it actually got me out of debt and gave me a sizeable nest egg by the time I moved out. I then bought a car (and insurance, and plates, etc etc) and it all disappeared, but I was in the enviable position of being in the black :)

How long do the anxiety attacks last? The all day ones really suck. If you need help in combatting one, I'll help if I can! Meds should definitely get rid of most of the attacks, it sucks that you're still suffering under them.

[deedeebythebay.livejournal.com]

I haven't asked because your posts have just glowed with good things. And I'm glad that is the truth of the matter. {{hugs}}

[wytetygryss.livejournal.com]

It seems that good things are happening for many people I know, and I sincerely hope some of it will trickle down to me, sooner or later *wry grin*

[earthdragon.livejournal.com]

Yay for stability and upwords progress.
Go you!

Booty!

[vokzal.livejournal.com]

Labour Day Weekend: WisCon!

'Alo!

[lousy-timing.livejournal.com]

Introducing myself and asking if I might friend you... "Hi, I'm jinzi, and I found you through pyat's poll about velvetpage being a corseted bunny for Sanguine at Anthrocon. May I have the pleasure of adding you to my friends list? We seem to have much in common."

:)