A question of sex etiquette

[danaeris]

I am re-posting this new and hopefully improved version; if you responded to the previous one, please retake this one.

[Poll #394068]

Comments

[rocketgeek.livejournal.com]

Just curious -- what precisely prompted this?

[danaeris.livejournal.com]

oh, just registered for Arisia, and I'm hoping to be staying in a sex-friendly suite, and I was thinking about what I think is appropriate and what others would think was appropriate...

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

What kind of conference is Arisia? A swinger's meeting?

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

The whole idea itself sounds unreal, from a parallel universe...

[thespian.livejournal.com]

speaking of Arisia, the tickets between here and Boston are all about $200CDNr/t at the minimum. I can't drive because of the seizures (well, I *can*, but the doctor's ordered me not to, so no license), but if you do, we can certainly get there for less than $400 apiece (Budget wants $140CDN to rent a compact car for a week, and even with mileage it'll likely come in under $150 each for that, less if we can rope in another person or two (I think I know at least one person, a sucker for a con), if you're interested.

Let me know if this might interest you.

[thespian.livejournal.com]

oops. that's less than $400 *combined*, not apiece. whoops.

[tenacious-snail.livejournal.com]

I think that either joining in or sitting down to watch are things that require the consent of the participants. If the people having sex are folks that have given the individual a standing offer to join in or to watch, then it might be a proper response, but honestly, even folks who have watched me have sex with our mutual lover usually ask if its okay *this* time.

[aoibhill.livejournal.com]

Miss aoibhill says:

They all could be appropriate responses depending entirely on who it is having the sex, but I'd have to add the options of jumping up and down on the bed like a trampoline, and/or running out the door screaming.

Except the popcorn. That's just tacky.

[iridium.livejournal.com]

i like those options, especially the jumping on the bed. *laugh*

[thespian.livejournal.com]

popcorn should only be tacky once the caramel has been poured over it.

[athereal.livejournal.com]

I think it really depends on the context. If they were doing it in the middle of the floor, acceptable responses would be very different than if they were in a bedroom off the suite with a (even mostly) closed door.

But yeah, it might help to set up some guidelines with the suite-mates before it comes to that. :o)

[uncledark.livejournal.com]

Some people may answer differently, depending on just what is meant by "sex-allowed." Implied boundaries may vary for different groups... watching may be OK for some, but not others.

I am assuming that the reference to popcorn was not meant to be literal... the noise of popping would likely be intrusive.

[nathanjw]

The phrase "sex-allowed" is vague. It's not something we really have societal (or even, I think, subcultural) standards for, so it's up to the people present and arranging things to be clear if clarity is important to them.

[plymouth.livejournal.com]

agreed. my answer to this poll is "it depends what you have agreed to in advance" to all of the options. I can see any of them being totally OK or totally not OK depending on the situation.

[benndragon.livejournal.com]

I just wanted to note that I hadn't thought about the room being clothing optional as well as sex friendly. It is something to discuss with people who decide to get in on it, probably shortly after the holiday rush (note that Arisia is the third weekend of Januray this year, not the second as it nomally is, which means there's even time for that sort of conversation over e-mail).

However, watching this thread makes me think that having a chat about what people are OK with (i.e. will not cause them to run from the room screaming) is probably a good idea. I'm guessing, however, that being respectful of the other people who are sharing the room is going to go further than trying to devise a long and lengthy ruleset. Like I said in my post, being able to grab stuff from the room and sleep take precedence over having sex. I was hoping that stating as much would be sufficient for people to figure things out, but now I'm less certain. Not that you couldn't figure it out, but it is making me think about it more deeply. . .

[auros]

This is pretty highly contextual. If they're actively engaged, I might be more reticent about interrupting (though I'd still get in and get whatever I came for -- I paid my fair share for the room, and if they wanted privacy, they could go fool around in the shower). If they're just nekkid and making out, I might talk / flirt. If I'm coming in to sleep, and it's an hour which most reasonable people would consider sleep time (say, midnight to 6am), then I'm going to prioritize my sleep over their sex. :-P