The Sanity Check

[danaeris]

(1) Lovers and friends in Boston. Lovers and friends in SF.

I feel really guilty about leaving my "people" in Boston behind. I don't about the SF people.

(2) Will I always wonder?

One argument to consider is that now that I know I want to move to San Francisco, I should go back to Boston and live there for a year to make sure that this is what I really want/so that I won't always wonder whether this was a mistake.

(3) Sanity/tying up loose ends

Another argument to consider is that it is vastly more sane to go back to Boston and live there for a year while I make arrangements to move here. This will also give me more time to think over my decision. And there are people in Boston that I feel like... I have an obligation to, or at least, people who I feel I could help in some way, but very few others could (help them, that is). I feel guilty about not being there to help them with this.

(4) Momentum (addressing points two and three)

If I left for a year, I wouldn't be able to just come back to SF and pick up where I left off, in some cases, at least.

(5) Focus

When I was in Boston, I adamantly wanted to stay in Boston. Now I'm in SF and I seem to want to stay here. How do I know it isn't the same psychological effect acting in both cases? But shouldn't the assessment I just did be at least SOMEWHAT objective?
Similarly, SINCE I was adamant about living in Boston, it is hard for my pride to admit that I might want to live somewhere else. I'm trying to force myself to see my options. But why have I not explored all of them? Why not look at Seattle, New Orleans, Vancouver, and Toronto, all cities I have a feeling I would appreciate?
"Not now," I groan. Too much to consider, too much to think about.

Occassionally I wonder if I should just go back to my parent's place in Toronto and live with them until I find a job in Toronto. Except I always get depressed when I'm at my parent's place, but it would be a *sensible* thing to do.

For that matter, why not look into New York? I despise the city, but it has most of the jobs in my field.

(6) Limmerance/NRG/NPG
In case it wasn't obvious, I'm nuts about Unseelie. I have been known to be influenced in the past by people I was in love with, even though they were not trying to influence me.
Being in love is a king of temporary insanity. I don't think that this is about him. I don't think the reasoning here has been affected by my feelings for him. But I have to ask myself that if I'm going to be honest.
*Is* this about him? If I were not madly in love with him, would I still be considering this? I don't even know how to answer that question honestly. This is one I have to think about more. I don't think it changes the arguments for moving here, but the answer to the question of whether or not I would otherwise consider this is not clear to me.

Anyway, there's my san check I guess. So go for it. Yell at me. Tell me what's wrong with any of these concerns. Raise other concerns. Whatever. You here are my friends. Your input matters to me, although sorrow at my departure (hopefully) will not have a huge impact. This is supposedly a reasoned decision. :)

Comments

[merovingian.livejournal.com]

This is one thing I am good at - writing permission slips:

To whom it may concern,

Questioner may live wherever she wants. She has no obligations to be anywhere.

Signed,
Ted

[danaeris.livejournal.com]

*giggles* silly you. Psychologically that may be what I'm looking for. But my hope was that someone would see flaws in my reasoning. Or point out something I missed. I want to make sure that I'm taking everything necessary into consideration...

Toronto

[earthdragon.livejournal.com]

Moving back with your parents does not sound like the sane thing to do.
While it might make economic sense, I think it would be much worse for your growth and happyness, then doing your own thing. Given the combination of you, um, active social life, and the priority you seem to be placing on spiritual exploration, and given what little I know of your parents(and having met them), living at home would not be good for your sanity, stability, or serenity.

Hope that helps a little...

Re: Toronto

[danaeris.livejournal.com]

Thank you for that piece of san checking. Believe it or not, it was tempting at the time to wonder if I should just say "Fuck it!" and do that. I doubt I would have gone through with it, but since you said this, several people have seconded your opinion on this. Living with my parents is just a Bad Idea TM.

[lyadann.livejournal.com]

Anything that influences you in such a way that you're more prone to depression is not a sensible thing to do. Thus, living with your parents is not sensible.

I don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with living somewhere specifically because you're in love with someone who lives there. For me, I would always wonder what *might* have happened between me and said someone, if I were to move away while feeling madly in love with him/her. Also, I tend to not enjoy places as much if there's someone I'm pining for. And I'm the type to pine. I don't know if you are. So the whole love thing *might* be a reason to stay in SF for now. See where it goes, see how you feel in a year or so. You've only spent a couple of months in SF, you've been in Boston for years, is it really possible to do an objective assessment at this point?

I'm a very -NOW- sort of person, whatever I want -NOW- is what I'll do. I think it's a good way to be. Of course, when I'm elderly and broke and living on whatever medicade and social security give me, I may no longer think so. But, do whatever you want to now, with the knowledge that you can always do something else. I think someone already said that, but I also think it's worth saying again.

[danaeris.livejournal.com]

Even if it is ok to pursue love... I will always wonder what would have happened with Joe and Turin. And if I had chosen Boston, I would always have wondered what would have happened with Richard and Autumn.
And all my lovers in both locations.

Being poly complicates things, but it also makes them more fun...

Cause you asked so nicely.

[tarecat.livejournal.com]

SO from what I can gather from this post our best bet to figure out where to live is either to come back here. (to boston) for a year, or to go some where else totaly unrelated.

You're not sure Why you want to stay in SanFran. So if your away from it for a while it will most likely be easier for you to look at the situation form a more clear perspective.

If you stay in contact I'm sure your relationships won't suffer. especaly if it really is love. I know that's a Squishy romantic Idea, but I've been through a year long long distance relationship befor, and I really think it's true.
If some one really cares about you, and you about them, you'll stay in toutch and things should work out. Prolly won't be perfict, because Nothing is perfict, but it should work out. : )

as far as decideing where to stay goes you're prolly best off going to nutral ground. Not SanFran, Not Boston, Not Toranto. especaly not toranto, regardless on how safe and sencable that decision might be, you'd be miserable and under the influence of your parents. Odds are you'd come out of there even more confused and with less perspective.

I think NYC is an Idea. I don't hate the town. : ) But because you do It would prolly be the best nutral ground. Not to mention it's about 3 hours From Boston. So if you really wanted to you could visit just about every weekend.
I'm always one to cater to conveniance.

Good luck hun, and remember just because I'm usualy quiet doesn't mean I'm not listening. ; )

Re: Cause you asked so nicely.

[danaeris.livejournal.com]

Believe it or not, it was very heartening to me to read that you've actually been reading my journal. Isn't always frustrating to think that no one is actually reading, and that you're just talking to the monitor?

*hugs* thank you.

And I'm hoping I'll have the money etc. to visit for Arisia, so maybe I'll run into you there again! (wouldn't that be funny...)

Re: Cause you asked so nicely.

[tarecat.livejournal.com]

I think that would be great. : ) I don't think I' ge to follow you home on the T again this time though. ; P

I'm very glad to hear that you've found a place to stay and you're so happy with your decision. I hope things continue to go so well for you and that you can always find peace with being in love.
Also good luck with the job hunt. Job very important.

Now you know I'm here. I'm just quiet. ; )

[tyrsalvia.livejournal.com]

I think you should move anywhere but Toronto or Boston, because I think you're just learning to fully become a complete and whole adult, and I think it's good for you to do that away from people who expect you to be anything in particular. I think SF might be good for you for a couple of years, but I think you could find other places that would be good for you too. I think the important thing is the fresh start. But then, you already know my opinion on this.

[danaeris.livejournal.com]

*hugs* as I think you already know, hun, this advice did have a profound influence on me. Thank you.

[truthspeaker.livejournal.com]

Do you consider your intuition a good voice to listen to, or would you like to stick to solid reasons?

[danaeris.livejournal.com]

I do consider my intuition to be a good voice. In my experience, my intuition is right for many reasons, some of which I often didn't realize until afterwards. Nonetheless, it usually is supportable in the end.

I AM frightened however of mistaking what I emotionally want with my intuition, two very different forces.