![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
In a more positive vein...
Jan. 30th, 2005 10:59 pmI use Dr. Bronner's soap. It's good stuff, and recommended for cleaning my piercings.
Apparently, my father was sitting on the can the other day and picked up the bottle to read as a kill-time tactic. He immediately became concerned. Knowing that I'm pagan, he thought, "Dear god, is THIS what she believes? If so, she's crazier than we possibly could have imagined."
So after I got back from Buffalo friday, he asks me, "So, about that bottle in the bathroom..."
At that point I started giggling, because I immediately suspected where he was going with it. "Yes?" I said.
He shook his head. "The fact that you're laughing tells me all I need to know. Clearly you don't take the stuff on there seriously."
I laughed. "No, Dr. Bronner was totally insane."
As the conversation continued, I couldn't stop laughing. In fact, the laughter accelerated, spreading to every inch of my body. Orgasms, laughter, and sobs can do that, taking over the whole body. There is release in all three, but at the time it was the catharsis of laughter I needed the most upon my return from Boston.
Since Thursday I've positively glowed, for reasons I'm sure you can all guess -- the getting of things we're told we don't need, but for the want of wilt like flowers wanting water.
Yet in that glow was the certainty that another winter fast had begun, and the happiness became interspersed with a variety of moods which I wish I could deny.
Yesterday the glow had faded, but once I began to enjoy myself, I would light up on occasion, to the point where one party attendee called me the happy smiling girl.
Happy? Am I happy? Certainly not today. Perhaps last night. Better, more truthful to say that I had moments of unfettered, pure enjoyment. I'm not glowing anymore (not constantly, anyway), but when there is something I enjoy I can enjoy it fully.
Is this who I am when I'm myself, my needs met, my fires stoked? Last night was good but not what I need to stoke my fires to those same heights. I don't mean to be demanding. Like humans need air, water, and food, like vampires need blood, I need this. It returns me to who I am, this yearning which is a part of me.
To which I say: Stoke my fires, baby.
Apparently, my father was sitting on the can the other day and picked up the bottle to read as a kill-time tactic. He immediately became concerned. Knowing that I'm pagan, he thought, "Dear god, is THIS what she believes? If so, she's crazier than we possibly could have imagined."
So after I got back from Buffalo friday, he asks me, "So, about that bottle in the bathroom..."
At that point I started giggling, because I immediately suspected where he was going with it. "Yes?" I said.
He shook his head. "The fact that you're laughing tells me all I need to know. Clearly you don't take the stuff on there seriously."
I laughed. "No, Dr. Bronner was totally insane."
As the conversation continued, I couldn't stop laughing. In fact, the laughter accelerated, spreading to every inch of my body. Orgasms, laughter, and sobs can do that, taking over the whole body. There is release in all three, but at the time it was the catharsis of laughter I needed the most upon my return from Boston.
Since Thursday I've positively glowed, for reasons I'm sure you can all guess -- the getting of things we're told we don't need, but for the want of wilt like flowers wanting water.
Yet in that glow was the certainty that another winter fast had begun, and the happiness became interspersed with a variety of moods which I wish I could deny.
Yesterday the glow had faded, but once I began to enjoy myself, I would light up on occasion, to the point where one party attendee called me the happy smiling girl.
Happy? Am I happy? Certainly not today. Perhaps last night. Better, more truthful to say that I had moments of unfettered, pure enjoyment. I'm not glowing anymore (not constantly, anyway), but when there is something I enjoy I can enjoy it fully.
Is this who I am when I'm myself, my needs met, my fires stoked? Last night was good but not what I need to stoke my fires to those same heights. I don't mean to be demanding. Like humans need air, water, and food, like vampires need blood, I need this. It returns me to who I am, this yearning which is a part of me.
To which I say: Stoke my fires, baby.
