Gadget countdown

11 days until my Verizon contract expires, and counting.

I'd love it if those of you out there with web/email enabled phones could let me know how much you pay for your data plans, on what carrier, and how much you get for that. The websites are immeasurably confusing...

Plans

Today I am going to the SF CIty Clinic at 1 p.m. to get my STD tests redone, and to get my DP shot.

Aside from that, I expect to spend the day at home, working on my writing contract. Other people who are doing Work are welcome to come keep me company -- I find working with someone else is studying/working can often help keep me honest and get me to do the damn work.

I could be convinced to take some time off for dinner or lunch. That is all.

Glitter

I need glitter. Body glitter, hair glitter, for lips and eyes... you name it!

My first instinct is to go to Sephora and spend stupid amounts of money.

My second instinct is to try to make some myself.

Any glitter afficionados have favorite brands, comments on how to make it yourself (stuff that's safe to use), etc.?

Phone geeking

( cut for your protection )

Being smart and MIT

Written in response to a post in coffeekitty's journal:

Quite frankly, I had no such mentor in high school. I mean, it was clear that the teachers thought I was a good kid, and smart. There was one teacher who seemed to think I was brilliant but she didn't put any personal time into me as a person and I thought she was a bit of a ditz. And there were other kids in my grade and the grade below who were receiving comparable grades -- or better -- in math and sciences. One of them also went to MIT (we're the only two who ever went to MIT in the history of our school, oddly).

I went to MIT for the opportunities, both academic and social. I'm pretty confused about what ensued. I know I was depressed and suffering from anxiety, but not sufficiently aware of that to get it treated. I know that I was out of my league, but it is unclear to me if that was because of the depression. I know that when my medication isn't working, intellectual pursuits, and work, seem impossibly complicated, difficult, and frightening. And I know that my problem sets seemed that way, but maybe that's because they were. :)

Many people seem to find it amazing that I managed to get married, divorced, and graduate on time with a 4.2/5.0 GPA. They seem to think that means I'm pretty smart, even for an MIT student, but I don't know. Even at MIT, getting a B average (more of a B-/C+ in my physics classes) was easy, but getting an A in technical classes was IMMEASURABLY hard for me. It required easily twice as much work as the B would have.

Looking back, I think I will always wonder how I would have done if my depression was treated properly.

I also find my mind to be... interesting. See, I don't actually have that high an IQ. Only 127 last time I was tested (unless you count online tests where Tickle tested me at 136 and iqtest.com tested me at 156). Borderline genius. And I know the IQ isn't everything, but most of my friends have much higher IQs. Why is it that getting that B average was so easy, and the As were so incredibly hard? What does that say about the way I work, or about my potential, about potential I'm not achieving?

Sometimes I feel like a pretender. Like everyone thinks I'm smart, but I'm really not. After all, you're all geniuses, and I'm only a borderline genius. And its not that I don't think I'm smarter than most of the world. I do think I'm smarter than your average person. By IQ, I'm in the upper 4% of the population. But in this strange and wonderful social group, I feel intellectually inferior, and uneducated. Physics hobbyists often end up lecturing me about physics stuff. And I sure as hell don't know much about politics, history, or literature.

My mind confuses me. I think I have one of the fastest learning curves I've ever seen. I think I absorb things and have excellent "intuition." I think I'm excellent at understanding some very complex things. And yet I know so little. I'm often scared to speak up during intellectual conversations because I feel I know so little.

Anyway. Not sure where I was going with this, but it seemed worth posting.

Deciphering the Questioner

Things to keep in mind when leaning on me:

Sympathetic and empathic

When you're obviously full of shit, I'll see it. But when there is value to both sides, I will often seem to take the side of whoever is in front of me. I'm not, actually. On one level, I'm advising you to do what is right for you (which can be viewed as taking sides). I would do the same for the other person, however -- which means that I may be giving the two people conflicting advice, because sometimes what is best for one person is not best for the other.

Sometimes this taking of sides will last past the time you are in front of me, but when I see the other person, I'll quite easily "switch" sides. Simply because I'm good at being sympathetic and empathic. Enough conversations with both sides, and I'll sort of reach a consensus in my head about what is actually going on.

Idealistic and Optimistic

This is something you have to watch out for with me. You see, I'm a little naive and idealistic and optimistic. I don't like seeing my friends in pain, in conflict, etc.

Therefore, sometimes I will believe what I want to believe. For example, if there are 4 possible explanations for something causing angst, and the one that will promptly resolve the angst for all involved is reasonably likely, I will probably hammer on that possibility until it has been disproven beyond all reasonable doubt before turning to the others. I'll SUGGEST the others, but I'll get hung up on the "magical" solution. Hence, phrases like, "This must all be a misunderstanding," or, "I really think you just need to reconsider your medication/dosage."

I am writing this in part to burn it into my brain so I can move beyond these tendencies, and in part so I can give you all the filters to understand what I'm saying, and what it actually means. So there. :)

Warm wishes for people

Mini re-enactment of the wishes meme, just for those who are struggling right now:

For Q, that contract.
For angelbob, that job at tapwave if he in fact wants it.
For deedeebythebay, that job or a better one.
For zyxwvut, an even cooler job!
For hopeforyou, an upward trend.
For pusifoot, good health.
For melimus, a nifty teaching job that lifts her spirits.
For princeofwands, an amazing performance for the clients.
For karenbynight, a solution.
For emmett_the_sane, a rain cloud that follows him everywhere and an A on the exam Thursday.
For dragon_spirit: Break a leg Friday!
For the_ogre, a great first time experience displaying art at BayCon.
For rosefox, a swift recovery and the strength to not give into the temptation to use that arm.

And to all my friends, orgasms, mind-blowing sex, relaxing cuddles, fascinating conversation, and a wonderful book to read.