The Healer's Mantra

(or, something questioner made up)

I will keep myself physically and mentally fit so that I can render aid to others.
I will lend aid, comfort, and healing when I can.
I will NOT let the pain and frustration of other's problems damage me,
and thereby risk damaging my ability to lend them aid.
I will be kind and gentle and caring, but I will not identify my happiness with my
patient's happiness. Ultimately, this is counter productive.

------------------

And how do I avoid this entanglement of joys when I'm sleeping, in love, etc. with my
patient?
The obvious answer does not work; sex and love are part of the treatment.

I must learn to connect and give and receive without entangling and mingling. I must be
strong for my patients, lovers, etc.

And I will. I am strong. I have been through so much, and I refuse to believe that if I
focus my will I cannot conquer these challenges.

Addendum to the Healer's Mantra

Could I also please not let the crap in my OWN life bother me?
Like the article that I thought was in very good shape needing "lots of work" according to my semi-boss?
Can I have that great attitude that views this as a great opportunity to learn and expand my abilities as a writer?

Figuring things out

So some of you may or may not know that I've been debating where to live in September. I'm torn between Boston and San Francisco Bay Area, and really haven't made up my mind yet. This is my 'figuring things out' post.

( The Great Debate )

The Sanity Check

(1) Lovers and friends in Boston. Lovers and friends in SF.

I feel really guilty about leaving my "people" in Boston behind. I don't about the SF people.

(2) Will I always wonder?

One argument to consider is that now that I know I want to move to San Francisco, I should go back to Boston and live there for a year to make sure that this is what I really want/so that I won't always wonder whether this was a mistake.

(3) Sanity/tying up loose ends

Another argument to consider is that it is vastly more sane to go back to Boston and live there for a year while I make arrangements to move here. This will also give me more time to think over my decision. And there are people in Boston that I feel like... I have an obligation to, or at least, people who I feel I could help in some way, but very few others could (help them, that is). I feel guilty about not being there to help them with this.

(4) Momentum (addressing points two and three)

If I left for a year, I wouldn't be able to just come back to SF and pick up where I left off, in some cases, at least.

(5) Focus

When I was in Boston, I adamantly wanted to stay in Boston. Now I'm in SF and I seem to want to stay here. How do I know it isn't the same psychological effect acting in both cases? But shouldn't the assessment I just did be at least SOMEWHAT objective?
Similarly, SINCE I was adamant about living in Boston, it is hard for my pride to admit that I might want to live somewhere else. I'm trying to force myself to see my options. But why have I not explored all of them? Why not look at Seattle, New Orleans, Vancouver, and Toronto, all cities I have a feeling I would appreciate?
"Not now," I groan. Too much to consider, too much to think about.

Occassionally I wonder if I should just go back to my parent's place in Toronto and live with them until I find a job in Toronto. Except I always get depressed when I'm at my parent's place, but it would be a *sensible* thing to do.

For that matter, why not look into New York? I despise the city, but it has most of the jobs in my field.

(6) Limmerance/NRG/NPG
In case it wasn't obvious, I'm nuts about Unseelie. I have been known to be influenced in the past by people I was in love with, even though they were not trying to influence me.
Being in love is a king of temporary insanity. I don't think that this is about him. I don't think the reasoning here has been affected by my feelings for him. But I have to ask myself that if I'm going to be honest.
*Is* this about him? If I were not madly in love with him, would I still be considering this? I don't even know how to answer that question honestly. This is one I have to think about more. I don't think it changes the arguments for moving here, but the answer to the question of whether or not I would otherwise consider this is not clear to me.

Anyway, there's my san check I guess. So go for it. Yell at me. Tell me what's wrong with any of these concerns. Raise other concerns. Whatever. You here are my friends. Your input matters to me, although sorrow at my departure (hopefully) will not have a huge impact. This is supposedly a reasoned decision. :)

(no subject)

Plea: please please give me your input on this issue. If you have any thoughts on my arguments, etc. about where to live, please help me. I need that help.

Oh, and I'm adding another clause to the sanity check post, so you might want to check it again sometime after 10:10 PDT Thursday night.

I hope you have all at least skimmed the previous posts. I REALLY REALLY want you guys to respond with your comments and thoughts on that. But if you don't want to take the time to do that, please at least fill out this poll.

[Poll #49250]


Please don't hesitate to comment to this. I really need your input.