Update on my health

[danaeris]

Six weeks FIVE weeks into Sickness Benefit. Hard to believe so much time has already passed.

So how AM I doing?

I can only give you points.

-Wolf called me Smiley the other day and said that he has seen me smile more in the last month than over the course of our entire relationship
-I still have down days -- balancing all the little things I'm trying to accomplish, sleep (oversleeping), and spending too much time indoors vs. getting the hell out of the house and not spending money...
-overall, I'd guess, though, that I'm having about 6 out of 7 days that are either even, or very very good. Bouncy, happy, smiling, giggly Danae.
-The last time I was this happy and relaxed for this long (about a month) was in October 2002. If I continue to be this happy throughout the Sickness Benefit, who knows. It may be a record.
-My libido has gone through the roof
-My mind has cleared and most of the time, I feel better able to think clearly, even relishing math for the sake of math (I integrated in my head the other day for fun. :)
-I've started writing poetry as a form of expression again
-I'm more in love with Wolf and Spryte than ever before
-the only consistent negative: my insomnia has gotten worse

Sickness Benefit, and not working, is not a cure. It's a band-aid. The disease -- whatever it is that makes me unable or less able to deal with stressful situations -- is still lurking there. I'm hoping over the remaining weeks that I can make some progress, some inroads, towards understanding these issues, and ultimately, towards fixing them.

A friend -- at least, I think he's a friend... I'm not really sure what he thinks of me or whether he really likes me -- once told me that he believes that I will always be discontent, that it is not in me to be happy or content.

He was wrong. I knew he was wrong, but what could I say to someone speaking one of my worst fears, the kind that you know is not real but nonetheless have nightmares about? Now I guess all I can say is I know the truth. I can know happiness. And it is wonderful.

Comments

[outcastspice.livejournal.com]

wow. six weeks already? that's... are you sure? it feels like not so long! i'm so glad it's helping, and hope that you are indeed able to learn and grow from this. and so glad that you're happy :)

[danaeris.livejournal.com]

I was wrong-- it's only been five weeks. Still hard to believe though. Only 12 weeks to go.

I'm optimistic, but beginning to wonder if 17 weeks is going to be enough. I'm thinking that it will just be the beginnings, that healing will take the duration of my time at school.

[outcastspice.livejournal.com]

six weeks feels a lot longer than five in my head. interesting. 12 weeks is certainly long enough to accomplish good things.

school's a good place for that :)

[garden_hoe21]

Work sucks, man. Come live under the sea with me instead.