A new hankie code

[danaeris]

So, I have a fun assignment. For Ad Astra, our local SF&F literary convention, I'm running an Alternative Lifestyles Meet and Greet.

One of the ideas behind the Meet and Greet is that we will have a sort of 'hankie code' using colour coded stickers, so that people can non-verbally see what others are into.

Here's my starting effort:
(1) Sexual orientation
Blue - I like boys
Pink - I like girls
Purple - I like both

The problem with this is that it implies the two-gender paradigm.
Slightly more complex:
Blue - I like boys
Pink - I like girls
Purple - I like transpeople

The problem with this is that it implies that if someone is interested in transwomen, they are also interested in transmen. Often, but not always true. Still, less two-gendered.

We could get more complex and thus more precise...
Blue - I like boys
Blue with a thin purple line on the right - I like boys and transmen
Pink - I like girls
Pink with a thin purple line on the right - I like girls and transwomen
Thick purple line - I like transpeople

This could get very confusing, though, and be difficult to read from a distance, which is sort of key to the concept.

One last way of doing this...
Blue - I like boys
Indigo - I like transmen
Purple - I like androgynes
Magenta - I like transwomen
Pink - I like girls

That uses up a lot of colours, though.

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(2) Availability
Since there are many many reasons for someone to be available or not entirely available or not at all available, I think keeping this one simple would be best. Something like:
Red: Not available
Yellow: Might be available
Green: Actively looking

Alternatively, we could just have an add-on stop sign sticker to put on the tags of people who are not interested but there to socialize, and otherwise have people assume that they are somewhat available.

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(3) Kink
There are an astounding number of kinks which have been invented by the imaginative human mind, and I definitely have no interest in even attempting to signal them all. But here's a basic idea on how this could work...

White - Sub
Black - Dom
X through the space where this would go - Vanilla (I'd love to make this a beige-yellow, but that would look too similar either to the white of sub, or the yellow of "might be available" above)

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(4) Poly vs. Mono
I have no bright ideas about how to indicate this with colour. Anyone have any suggestions to share?

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(5) Religion
I could have a colour for pagan, but then I'd need to come up with colours for other common religions, and then someone would be pissed that their thing didn't get included. So, best to leave this to the attendees and their religious jewelry of choice.

Comments

[badoingdoing.livejournal.com]

I feel like no matter how you try to set up the "what genders am I interested in" stickers you lose. For example, some transpeople might take exception to being separated from their gender of presentation. Some might insist on it. Including androgynes helps, but there's still a lot of complexity I don't think you can catch in a sticker.

Maybe I'm behind the times, but I kinda like the good old "talking to people" method.

[kittnslave.livejournal.com]

I don't tend to seperate trans from the gender they represent. And being a bi gal - I liked the first it is simple and it actually includes the bi option. Whereas when it goes down the list there is nothing about being inclusive to everything so I would end up with a rainbow :) if you go with the more complicated ones. Personally I would stick with simple.

As for the poly mono - for mono you could do a simple gold band, and poly tends to be represented with a infinity sign around a heart... so maybe you could do that instead of a colour? If you want a colour... perhaps for mono people have the colours on there very clear and direct... where as the poly people have the colours kind of bands of different shades of the same colour? like if the poly person is bi have several strips of different purple?

[dagibbs.livejournal.com]

Is poly vs mono needed? Isn't that subsumed under the Red/Yellow/Green set?

[dagibbs.livejournal.com]

And, on kink -- maybe top/bottom/switch is the most flexible set of three you are likely to find. (Dom/Sub as well as Sadist/Masochist can both be subsumed under various flavours of Top/Bottom.)

[thespian.livejournal.com]

why would it be? I can be part of a threesome (so poly), but not looking. Someone else (even in the same threesome) might well be looking. Some people would like to know upfront because they don't *want* to date a person who isn't open to polyamory, or who isn't going to be monogamous. 'Looking' doesn't tell you what they are.

[etherial.livejournal.com]

monogamous and available is very different from polyamorous, involved, and available.

[velvetpage.livejournal.com]

I'm wondering if it wouldn't be better just to, you know, let people talk to each other and express interest the old-fashioned way. That takes longer, of course - but I'd imagine you'd get better-quality relationships and interactions out of it.

[thespian.livejournal.com]

and you also lose people like this: I am pretty specific in what I like. I like men. I like mtf transwomen, usually preop (I might like them post op, but only preop transwomen have tried to date me). I like fat women when I'm dating them (usually smaller than me; oddly, my dieting is not to get me thin but to get me to the level of overweightness that I think is really hot in others ;-) ).

What I did a decade and a half ago at one of my parties was little buttons; the wee little 1/2" ones. A pile said 'I AM', a pile said 'I LIKE'. Then I had a pile more done that just randomly said 'BOY', 'GIRL', 'TRANS', 'SUB', 'DOM', 'TOP', 'BOTTOM', etc.

(and yes, there is a diff between a Sub and a Bottom and a Dom and a Top, but I can talk about that for half an hour).

You can simply also add 'TAKEN', 'AVAIL.', 'POLY', 'MONO', etc. to the mix. Add buttons with the symbols of the religions if you want, and a flying spaghetti monster for the atheists. Have some blank ones and sharpies if you miss something or something's *really* specific.

Then also prepare for people being cheeky; I think by the end of my party I had also pinned a Duran Duran button and a button of Phil and Dixie from What's New? in the old Dragon Magazines on my I WANT side ;-). But it also lets people do things like say pin their NAAFA pins on the I WANT side, so if they come in with buttons for causes they support, they can expand on what you're prepared for.

re: flying spaghetti monster for atheists

[etherial.livejournal.com]

You doubt His noodly appendage?

[freefloat.livejournal.com]

I like the buttons idea! I can picture it working a bit like thos fridge poetry magnets...

[miekec]

That button idea sounds really good. For a Con, making that many buttons may be expensive/complicated, but you can certainly use stickers. Not having a specific color-code may actually improve the conversation part, since you'll have to read the text(s)

Hmm

[gentlescholar.livejournal.com]

I would have the problem of, while not being completely mainstream, not even knowing what some of these things are. Talking is best to clarify, but the buttons are useful.

I think the main uses of buttons would be
a) as conversation starters
b) as identifying whether I want to approach them as friendly or flirty


I think you can figure out in conversation whether you want them--it's harder to figure out whether they might be interested in you, without being annoying. So to my mind, the most useful information--and the information I have actually wanted to gather--is,

1)are they looking at all
2)are they interested in anything resembling me

Don't go for too much information, because SOMEBODY will be excluded. I don't know anything about transgendered people, for example, and wouldn't be able to gather useful information from a color or symbol code (like, a long explanation of basic clue.)

The details are for conversation. Frankly, you could have optional extra cues, but the main point for me is: friend or flirt? If I'm "on the hunt," I can avoid annoying most of the uninterested with a glance. That alone makes the buttons worthwhile on both sides, I think.

If you need a paragraph to explain what you like, have the conversation.

My (mostly ignorant) two cents.

[kinvore.livejournal.com]

I say just blue, pink, and purple for the boy/girl/transgender stickers you had listed earlier. If they like both boys and girls they can use both ribbons. If they like all transgenders they can wear just the purple, if they prefer transgenders of a specific gender they can have a second sticker with the color of the gender they prefer (so purple and blue if they prefer transgender boys, etc). Or will it be too complicated to have more than one sticker?

[kajmal.livejournal.com]

doh! good idea. i like how you think. :) i think if a person is into a lot of things, having a chestful of colors would be useful.

[kinvore.livejournal.com]

Haha thanks. I can see people trying to wear as many stickers as possible, as if they were medals. :P

[kajmal.livejournal.com]

That was exactly the image i got. :)

[kajmal.livejournal.com]

For the sexual preferance, how about have one sticker for each thing the person is into, and not have more than one specific thing represented by any one color? Like ONE color for being into men, one for women and a bi person would carry both?

re: buttons

[etherial.livejournal.com]

I like the relationship status buttons that were for sale at Arisia and are commonly seen in Boston. They have a gay/straight/bi, a stop/go sign, and a poly/monogamous sign.

Re: buttons

[valdyra.livejournal.com]

These?
www.datingstatusbutton.com
They might work but would have to be ordered.

[bluedaisy.livejournal.com]

I'd suggest using different colored stickers for "I like foo"---i.e. "I like boys" would be a blue sticker, "I like girls" would be a pink one, and "I like boys and girls" would be a blue sticker *and* a pink sticker. This lets the "I like everything!" people get their message across very clearly---lots of stickers---and keeps you from having to categorize everyone.

You can even have blank stickers on which people can write letters for things they think of that you didn't.