Standard gift disclaimer

[danaeris]

I have a standard policy: I don't do holiday gift giving.

I know some of you may have me on your gift list. IF you do, please let me know and I will actually buy you a gift. But unless you TELL me you are planning on giving me a gift, you will not receive one.

Fair nuff?

Yours,

Danae the Scrooge
p.s. Really, it's not that I'm a scrooge. It's that I feel that gifts are for birthdays and for 'when the spirit moves you' -- not when commercial consumerism tells you to.

Comments

[metalana.livejournal.com]

The spirit moves me at Christmas time to give lots of gifts. (I enjoy it, except for a couple of picky people within my family.) So yes, I found something for you at some point this year.

Please don't feel obliged to buy me something that makes you feel guilty for consumerism, or forces you to listen to bad mall carols. Feel free to give me something if and when the spirit moves you.

[lawbard.livejournal.com]

I completely agree with you.

I give gifts because I think someone needs something, or someone needs this thing in particular 'cause its screaming their name loudly...etc.

I don't need a bunch of advertising and marketing executives to force feed me the concept that I must buy buy buy because I need to feel shame if I don't.

[yaksman.livejournal.com]

More than fair.

I've noticed a trend of people resisting the Midwinter Retail Festival pressure. It used to be just eccentric sorts who announced to all and sundry that they weren't interested, but more and more people have decided to either limit their frenzy, or to opt out altogether.

I'd like to hope that this means our collective sanity is improving, but I think it's more likely that we've just been squeezed as hard as the marketing ghouls can squeeze us, and we're looking for an escape.

Even my very conservative and mainstream family has started looking for alternatives. The siblings and partners are drawing names so we don't have to get so many gifts. I still have to get something for niece and nephews, but I'm fine with that.

[angel-thane.livejournal.com]

Maybe I'm just slow, but I don't get it. If you don't do the Xmas giftmas thing, and you feel that gifts are for birthdays and moved spirits, then why create a list of people who are buying you gifts so that you can buy them one as well?

Wouldn't it just be better to let them know that they'll get one at a time that is meaningful to you? Not everybody gives gifts expecting (or even hoping) for reciprocation - if you give somebody something just because, do you notify them in advance so they can have something for you as well? ;)

[danaeris.livejournal.com]

No. It's selfish. This way I know that no one has any false expectations. They know that if they don't ask for a gift, they won't get one. They can choose not to. And when they give me a gift, I'll know that they EXPECTED to receive nothing in return, and that's fine by both of us.

I don't mind shopping (or even making) gifts, as long as it is a limited list. What I hate is the nightmare of determining who 'rates' a present, and what they deserve.

[angel-thane.livejournal.com]

ahhh; gotcha, thanks!

You're cheating.

[metalana.livejournal.com]

What, you don't want to play the rejection guessing game?

"Did X not give me a gift because she didn't know she was on my list? Doesn't she know that our relationship-type always gets a gift?"

"I wonder if I should give Y a gift. I found this really nice thing for him, but I'm not sure he celebrates Christmas, and I doubt he would have a gift for me, and I don't want to make him feel obliged to reciprocate."

"Gee, Z gives out expensive gifts. I don't want to spend that much on Z but it looks like I have to."

Etc. C'mon, the purpose of xmas gift exchange is to show precisely how much you love someone! In dollars! You're supposed to know who deserves a present from you. It's all explained in Miss Manners' Etiquette Guide for Polyamorous Folk from Jewish Backgrounds.

Re: You're cheating.

[danaeris.livejournal.com]

Heh. Well, it ALSO bothers me from a practicality standpoint. I mean, most of the people I've been around so far are not financially well off, or at least, not so much that it makes sense for them to spend money on a bunch of impractical items so that others may also buy them impractical items.

This policy of mine seems to limit the number of gifts I end up giving out, which relieves a lot of stress on me as well as my pocket book.

[kalagni.livejournal.com]

I wish I had that discipline...perhaps my current lack of job will encourage it this year. Personally I feel awkward not giving out gifts at Christmas to my friends, even though most of them say the same as you (though not the tell me and I'll get you one), gifts are birthdays and whenever...but I still feel compelled. And I feel just as awkward trying to give the spirit moves me gifts. Often those gifts are bought whenever, and then hidden away until Christmas.

My family, I can't do this with though unfortunately.

Quite odd that I'm compelled to follow this, I always think I've done a good job deconstructing a lot of influences upon me.