Ramblings

[danaeris]

On vacation, I apparently have too much spare time. Thus, I write rambly LJ entries.

Yesterday evening was good; I got to see rigel and one of her current flames, as well as jadasc and A whose username I don't know. I also met two new people who seemed nifty.

Today, however, I slept in late, and woke up feeling profoundly sad. The sadness has lingered all day, unaffected by the various ups and downs. At least that means it hasn't gotten WORSE.

There has been a number of good, insightful conversations with sunspiral, and with folks on LJ, for which I am thankful. There have been people saying nice things about me in various venues, which is also comforting. But perhaps a week of not sleeping on a regular schedule has finally caught up with me, because I just feel down.

Nonetheless, I took care of some Arisia stuff for roozle. I'm getting some closure on some left-over MIT angst. I wrote a long overdue email to my brother, and I baked a gluten-free chocolate cheesecake which is cooling as I type. I partook of a particularly tasty dinner. These are all good things!

... I just wish I didn't feel so down and empty and lonely. Hopefully tomorrow I will feel better!

Comments

[energeticintent.livejournal.com]

Hugs my dear! I'm sorry to hear that you are having such a down day!
If it's any consolation, you didn't sound down when I talked to you on the phone.
Perhaps I'm just not tuned into you yet! Guess I'll have to work on that.
Take care!
Kisses!

[danaeris.livejournal.com]

You're not the only one. sunspiral had no idea I was feeling down, even after lots of in person interaction, until I told him shortly before dinner. It's not that I was trying to hide it from you guys so much as trying to ignore it and go about my business. If you ignore something, maybe it will go away, right? :)

[jirikido.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I heard you were in Beantown, hope you feel better soon. I'm in Alberta this week, it's warmer for Christmas than I remember. Global warming, dontcha know ...

ps: added you, if y'all don't mind :).

[danaeris.livejournal.com]

Hey! I saw your name on sunspiral's whiteboard and wondered if it was you. We seem to have crossed paths to some extent... :)

Welcome to my lj!

[danaeris.livejournal.com]

And apparently, it was not your name after all, but the name of some scoundrel who has absconded with your rightful given name! Horrors, indeed!

[lawbard.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I've always wondered how you can feel lonely...

You always seem to have so many trying to be around you. Perhaps its a different kind of lonliness?

[danaeris.livejournal.com]

Hmm. Hard to explain. I think right now the loneliness is similar to some of the angst you've seen rigel going through:
I have friends, and lovers, but no relationships where I am an important part of someone's life. Furthermore, all of the people I meet who seem like the type of person I might want to partner with are already partnered with someone. I'm in a phase of my life where I'm everyone's acquaintance, but not friend, or friend, but not dear friend, or lover, but not secondary, or secondary, but not primary.

Having said that, the real reason is much simpler: When a person prone to depression is depressed, the cup is half full, and the shit coloured glasses are on. Instead of seeing the wonderful tribe I'm building up around me, and the relationship(s) I'm developing, I see what I want and don't yet have. The trick is that I know that my perceptions are warped, and I only partly take my thoughts in this state seriously.

[polywolf.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

remember that you do have people to talk to and who will listen when needed

*hugs*

and just so you know, even though i have known you for a short time i do consider you a close friend.

*hugs*

[danaeris.livejournal.com]

Thanks. *hugs back* the friendship I have developed with you guys has done wonders for my sense of well-being and happiness, quite frankly. It means a lot to me, and I'm glad it means much to you as well.

*more hugs* thanks for the comforting hugs!

[lawbard.livejournal.com]

Believe me, I understand that very well...on both levels.

[jackspryte.livejournal.com]

Glad to see you are getting some down time on your vacation.

Should I make an announcement about the poly social on the torontopoly list or are you going to?