Random thoughts on children and relationships and being an adult

[danaeris]

Reading deedeebythebay's journal got me on a tangent about housekeeping and children. For some reason in my mind if you have children, you have to care about keeping a relatively neat house.

And then my mind said, until I can take care of myself completely, keep up with the money work and the hobby work and the house work and the fun, I couldn't in good conscience bring a child into my life.

And then my mind said, Yes, when I can take care of myself, then I'll think about having a second person in my life, a partner, who I have time to take care of. And when I can handle that, then I can think about whether or not I want to have children, because I will have reached a point where it would be reasonable to have children.

And then I stopped myself. A second adult in my life should be able to take care of hirself. I don't want a dependent, a child. I want an adult. There is a big difference between being a supportive adult in someone's life, and being the equivalent of a supportive guardian.

If someone is ever going to be an integral part of my life, I want them to be someone who is as competent as me. Someone who can handle their money, and keep track of their obligations, and time, and be responsible. I don't want to have to think about that stuff, or be tempted to handle it for them. I want to date an equal. And yes, there are different ways of being "equal" but in this case, what I mean is I want to date someone who is equally skilled and adept at being an adult and taking care of themself as I am.

When and if I ever find such a person, or many such people, I will wait for our relationship to stabilize and prove itself. And then I might consider children IF we felt like it. But not before.

Comments

I agree, but

[deedeebythebay.livejournal.com]

I agree completely regarding your partner being an "adult" on their own.

However, if you wait till you have enough money and all your life is put together and you can keep your house clean and and and, well, let me put it this way.

My mother in-law, who I do happen to love dearly and who never pushed us to have kids, was fond of saying "If something is worth having it is worth waiting for." However, she also said that if you wait for everything to be just right to have kids, you never will.

I think that is a very true statement.

Papa and I have three great kids. At times our finances are great, the house is clean and everything is "together". There are many times that that just isn't so.

The kids need a good example but more than that, they need parents who love them and are involved in their lives. That is the best thing they can be given.

Of course, that's just my parenting point of view, but I thought I'd toss it in there for ya.

[sunspiral.livejournal.com]

Being a good parent doesn't require you to be perfectly organized and to have a completely neat and clean house. roozle and I have done a fairly good job of kidraising with our 3, and the house is usually somewhat in disarray and there's always too much going on. Having children actually forces one to develop a perception of how much neat, clean and organized is sufficient, and you go from there. For some folks the bar is raised, and for some it lowers.