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Jun. 27th, 2005 01:29 pmI'm alive. I'm even arguably well.
Since I dropped from 40 mg of Paxil to 30, there's been more teeth chattering and some moodiness. I'm definitely metacognating too much aka being angsty. At the moment, I just have this feeling of abiding sorrow for no apparent reason.
This diet thing sucks. I essentially have to eat like I'm diabetic so that I don't BECOME diabetic. The only difference is that I don't have to monitor my blood sugar levels. Well, and that if I mess up, I get a headache, or nauseous, or dizzy, rather than going into an insulin shock coma. And that once I've lost more weight, I'll be able to get away with cheating on rare occasions, in moderation.
It's funny... dealing with people around this is weird (except for those who also have PCOS). Whenever it comes up I get this awkward feeling from the other person. I can't tell if its because they don't know what to say, or if its because they don't think its a big deal so they see no need to be supportive towards me, or because they think I'm making it a bigger deal than it is, or if its simply that they don't want to hear me babble about diets and glycogen and ovarian cysts and insulin resistance. Either way, I've been feeling pretty frustrated with the reality of my situation. And, here on LJ everyone's been fabulous. Ranging from simple hugs to tips to pointers to communities or friends who have or are going through the same thing, I've gotten tremendous amounts of support through LJ, and I'd like to thank you all for that.
On the other hand, in person has not always been the same. And perhaps this is a little of what![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
ragingamazon was complaining about (in the general sense) earlier today. Maybe I expect people to see how distressed I am, and ask how I'm doing, and be gentle and caring, when I should ASK for that support. Well, not maybe. I should. Lord and lady both know I'm terrible at asking for things. And livejournal certainly isn't the way to ask for it when you're thinking of specific people. Then again, I wish people would communicate more directly. If they're feeling awkward because they don't know what to say, I wish they'd just say that, rather than sitting there feeling awkward and broadcasting that they feel that way all over the place. *sigh*
People are complicated.
Anyway, pride was fun but exhausting, and I have a bazillion books to read on PCOS (three just arrived at the library and I bought one this weekend), and I'm going away this coming weekend. Wee!
Since I dropped from 40 mg of Paxil to 30, there's been more teeth chattering and some moodiness. I'm definitely metacognating too much aka being angsty. At the moment, I just have this feeling of abiding sorrow for no apparent reason.
This diet thing sucks. I essentially have to eat like I'm diabetic so that I don't BECOME diabetic. The only difference is that I don't have to monitor my blood sugar levels. Well, and that if I mess up, I get a headache, or nauseous, or dizzy, rather than going into an insulin shock coma. And that once I've lost more weight, I'll be able to get away with cheating on rare occasions, in moderation.
It's funny... dealing with people around this is weird (except for those who also have PCOS). Whenever it comes up I get this awkward feeling from the other person. I can't tell if its because they don't know what to say, or if its because they don't think its a big deal so they see no need to be supportive towards me, or because they think I'm making it a bigger deal than it is, or if its simply that they don't want to hear me babble about diets and glycogen and ovarian cysts and insulin resistance. Either way, I've been feeling pretty frustrated with the reality of my situation. And, here on LJ everyone's been fabulous. Ranging from simple hugs to tips to pointers to communities or friends who have or are going through the same thing, I've gotten tremendous amounts of support through LJ, and I'd like to thank you all for that.
On the other hand, in person has not always been the same. And perhaps this is a little of what
ragingamazon was complaining about (in the general sense) earlier today. Maybe I expect people to see how distressed I am, and ask how I'm doing, and be gentle and caring, when I should ASK for that support. Well, not maybe. I should. Lord and lady both know I'm terrible at asking for things. And livejournal certainly isn't the way to ask for it when you're thinking of specific people. Then again, I wish people would communicate more directly. If they're feeling awkward because they don't know what to say, I wish they'd just say that, rather than sitting there feeling awkward and broadcasting that they feel that way all over the place. *sigh*People are complicated.
Anyway, pride was fun but exhausting, and I have a bazillion books to read on PCOS (three just arrived at the library and I bought one this weekend), and I'm going away this coming weekend. Wee!
