(no subject)

ick. So I decided to have soup and bread for lunch. Went to Whole Foods and bought cream of mushroom soup and cornbread (two favorites of mine) to eat for lunch. They are both incredibly bland, bordering on icky. How extremely annoying.

Fortunately, someone left some free oj (good quality) on one of the tables, so that's give my tastebuds something to enjoy, at least.

I won't get a headache. mrr.

Free will and determinism

I've been mulling over the concepts of free will and determinism as they pertain to guilt and fault within our personal lives.

It's a perennial problem... if we have free will at all points, then we are at fault for everything that we have ever done. If everything is determined then there is no point in trying to do anything, because nothing can be changed or accomplished.

This gets more complicated when taken from a personal perspective. I find myself telling my friends that it isn't their fault that they did bad things when they were young -- that they were broken and had serious issues, and it isn't their fault that they tortured that puppy. Then, they go out and kick a dog, and I blame them for it. These two attitudes may seem hypocritical but I don't think they are.

In my own experience, I have a variety of states I can be in, a discrete spectrum ranging from automaton to free-thinking-being (ftb for short). As an automaton, I react to my programming or environment, and I, the ftb-questioner, am not responsible. As ftb-questioner, I am responsible for everything I do. Sometimes I am being both at once.

One of the problems is that it is difficult to tell whether someone is being an automaton or an ftb. Sometimes its obvious, but at other times it is not at all clear. Hell, sometimes I can't tell if I'm being an automaton. Take my failed marriage, for instance.

I don't take this to the extremes of determinism and absolute free will. That's too... esoteric and not reflective of how we actually behave and live. And its also too simplistic. As always, things are far more complicated than that.

There are times when you try your best to think rationally about something, and some piece of automaton-ness comes out of left field and blindsides you into some unfortunate behavior.

I have some ideas but not enough time before I leave work to expand upon them. So please, feel free to comment with your own personal solution or opinion on this matter. It will be interesting.

At some point when I have the time, I hope to write an eloquent and lucid description of my thoughts on the matter. Until then, this is your teaser. :)

what next?

Well, my internship's last day is on Tuesday. After that, I theoretically will continue working part-time at the symphony while simultaneously job searching for better part and full-time jobs, and freelancing.

However, when I last applied for an internship at Wired, I made it to the interview and was not selected for the Product Internship. I was told at the time that if I have gained more experience between then and the next internship in July that they'd love to have me apply again. Also, they'd love to have me freelance for them.

Well, its application time again. There are four internships. I'd most like the Reporting internship, and my second favorite is the Product intern position which is what I interviewed for last time. This is a full-time, 10/hour internship walking distance from my place. Do I want this job? Hell YEAH! It would see me through to next Samhain. Fuckin' w00t!

I'm going to apply. Wish me luck, folks!

I'm going to apply for both and be honest about my preferences and why they are such. Hope that doesn't hurt me.