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Apr. 1st, 2003 10:42 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
danaerisI'm also thinking, I'm always in a rush. I'm so focused on my own life... I always want to push it forward. Whenever it is dissatisfying me and there is anything I can do about it, I get impatient to resolve things.
Hell, its not even that... I check my email obsessively at work because I want to interact with my life. I feel like when I'm at a job like the internship, my life is on hold. I hate that. I really really do want to go it alone, be a freelance, and live my life.
Brainwash will let me do that but leave a gap in my expenses where food should be. The Sports Clinic will take over my life for 25 hours per week, but leave me only lacking luxuries.
That's what it comes down to. I won't be happy working a full time job, even at Tech Review or Wired Magazine or hell, Discover Magazine, unless I view it as a PART of my life. And even writing about what makes me passionate, when someone else is assigning the articles and being my boss, won't make it a part of my life. I think the only way a steady job would feel the way I want it to is if I OWNED or STARTED the magazine I was working for.
And that's bloody likely.
Hell, its not even that... I check my email obsessively at work because I want to interact with my life. I feel like when I'm at a job like the internship, my life is on hold. I hate that. I really really do want to go it alone, be a freelance, and live my life.
Brainwash will let me do that but leave a gap in my expenses where food should be. The Sports Clinic will take over my life for 25 hours per week, but leave me only lacking luxuries.
That's what it comes down to. I won't be happy working a full time job, even at Tech Review or Wired Magazine or hell, Discover Magazine, unless I view it as a PART of my life. And even writing about what makes me passionate, when someone else is assigning the articles and being my boss, won't make it a part of my life. I think the only way a steady job would feel the way I want it to is if I OWNED or STARTED the magazine I was working for.
And that's bloody likely.
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Date: 2003-04-01 07:36 pm (UTC)amen to that. i spent my first several years out of MIT looking for a line of work that could be an integral part of my life. it took half looking for my strengths and passions, and part acknowledging that on some level, i had to make an arbitrary decision to pursue one path and not others. i looked at the things i do and said OKAY...i have had the most success at biology as an intellectual field...i like it okay...biology it is, and i will focus on it enough to be passionate about it.
and i still periodically get yelled at for slacking at work. but hey :-)